Trust, Strength, and Weakness

THIS WEEK I am celebrating being done with all my IB examinations, and I only have one more AP test to take. I know that this went well for me because I had a lot of wonderful people praying with me that it would. I went in and out of my tests with confidence, not in myself, but in God. I like to say that my whole strategy is to "study and pray", and it works. It helps to remember that God is bigger than any kind of test we take in life.

Trust is something God has spoken to me about this week.

At Publix a few days ago I was in the ice cream aisle with my mom, and a nice old couple came to make sure we were both saved. Of course we let them know we are, and we had a good conversation with them. They gave me a gospel tract which they had ordered from a tract-printing company called the Fellowship Tract League. You can order as many FREE tracts as you want from this company (www.fellowshiptractleague.org). These people impressed me because they do not even know me and they care enough to make sure I know about Jesus. I know that they probably meet a lot more people who don't know Him than those like me and my mom, who do. There is a good chance they will never see us again.

What I don't understand about myself, and a lot of us, is why it's so hard for us to even do that for the people we know. Are we scared? Are we ashamed? Maybe. Not all of us need to be in Publix with tracts, or in South Africa with a mission team, but all of us are called to "do the work of an evangelist." So why don't I do that?

I think I've finally figured out that my personal reason for not doing the work of an evangelist is that I'm afraid that I will do something wrong. I'm afraid I'll repeat past mistakes and just get in the way. I want great things to happen, and I don't want to be the reason something goes wrong. I don't trust myself to not mess up. But I wonder, does living evangelically necessarily entail trusting in ourselves? That doesn't exactly sound right.

I am an unusually trusting person. That's not always a good thing, but it helps me trust those who are trustworthy. I don't have a problem trusting God, because He is more trustworthy than anyone else ever could be. I definitely trust Him more than I trust myself. But I have had a problem figuring out how much we should trust in ourselves.

I've been reading a lot of the book of Acts lately. I'm particularly impressed by Paul, whose boldness and devotion result in miracle after miracle by the hand of God. I love reading about this because I know God can still do everything we read about there. In chapters 20 and 21 Paul is determined to go to Jerusalem even though the Holy Spirit is predicting heavy hardship for him there. Even his friends, who understand the Spirit's warnings, try to convince him. He will not be dissuaded from suffering anything he must for the glory of God.

Acts 20:24 "But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."

Acts 21:13 "Then Paul answered, 'What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am willing not only to be imprisoned but even to die for the name of the Lord Jesus.'"

That is some seriously powerful faith. That's the kind of heart Jesus loves to see. Reading these things, I confess that I'm a little jealous. I want to have that kind of devotion, even if I don't face everything Paul faced. When I confessed that to God, He helped me understand something very important.

Our human weakness is a non-issue in God. It is enough for us to trust in God, because He is powerful and He empowers those whose trust is in Him. He doesn't want us to be pitiful and unconfident, but He doesn't want us to put our trust in ourselves so that we start thinking we are powerful enough to do anything on our own. That's when we get in the way. When our trust is in Him and we obey His will, we cannot fail, because He doesn't fail. He will not tell us to do something and then fail to empower us to to do it. All He wants us to do is obey, and He will do all the earth shaking, mountain moving, and miracle working.

God isn't here to help us do whatever we think is right. He is here to rule and reign and cherish us, to show us His will and empower us to obey it.

I notice that Paul's success as a Christian is not a result of not being afraid to make a mistake. He wasn't worried about not knowing enough or not saying the right thing. When he was on his way to Jerusalem, fully aware of the persecution coming his way, he wasn't trying to figure out what he would say. Jesus said in Luke 12:11-12 "[11] And when they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not be anxious about how you should defend yourself or what you should say, [12] for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say."

Paul's success is the result of just trusting God and obeying Him boldly. He was never ashamed and always faithful. But he, like all of us, was human and weak. That's what's so great about God's grace. When great things happen through weak people, God is glorified and we are filled with joy.

Paul himself wrote in 1 Corinthians 12:8-9 concerning a painful source of weakness, "[8] Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. [9] But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My grace is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

God knows how to handle the gospel, and He doesn't intend to leave His people struggling on our own. Knowing this makes it a lot easier to think about inviting people to church or even sharing the gospel. I'm not so afraid anymore, because now I understand that being weak doesn't hurt. If anything, it helps, because it shows off how strong God is.