About Loss and Anger

THIS WEEK I'm learning about loss.

On Tuesday, Willy and I broke up after five and a half happy months. This week really has been something to endure. I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm disappointed all at once, but, as you know, this blog is not about me or my life. It's about the amazing things God is doing in me and my life. So let me tell you how He has responded to my situation, and how He is showing me we ought to deal with this kind of thing.

In the human heart loss often leads to sadness. This is to be expected. But the sadness can turn into anger, and then we must be careful what we do. Right now, I am angry. I'm not angry at anybody in particular. I'm just mad, because I'm sad. It's like when you slam your car door on your finger: it hurts so badly that you want to cry, and then you want to scream, and then you might start yelling at anybody who is nearby just because you are in pain. But anger, when it is maintained, often turns into bitterness. That is how many lives are ruined. Bitterness hurts the bitter person as well as those around him.

God sees that I am angry. I was looking in my devotional book this week, and I read Ephesians 4:26 and 27. "[26] 'Be angry, and do not sin': do not let the sun go down on your wrath, [27] nor give place to the devil." I think this is a way that God is warning me that it is perfectly fine to be angry about something, but it's not okay to stay angry. It's one thing to have a reaction to an event, and it's another to let that reaction spread and poison the soul. Anger can often give us a temptation to sin and to hurt others, whether for revenge (which belongs to God) or just to make somebody else hurt with you.

When the word says "do not let the sun go down on your wrath" it means that we should not end the day by staying angry. If we feed our anger by letting it come with us into the new day and rule us then we "give place to the devil." This means that by choosing to give our ears to our pain we give the devil something to work with, a button to push, a way into our hearts. And when he has got a way in, it's often hard to get him out. Then we become bitter.

Ephesians 4:31 and 32 also relate to this idea. "[31] Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. [32] And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." Once again, this does not mean that it is wrong to respond to sonething with a feeling of anger. It's part of the way we are created to become angry. It just means that our way of life, Christlikeness, entails love, not hatred; forgiveness, not bitterness. Another beautiful verse I saw this week which really spoke to my heart was Romans 12:9. "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good." If we claim to love people, we need to live love by showing mercy, patience, and kindness. We need to run far away from what would cause us to sin, like the temptation to spread the pain you feel, and to hold on tightly to Christ and all of His goodness.

I keep thinking of the one time Jesus got REALLY angry. In Matthew 21 we see that when He saw people buying and selling in the temple, treating God's house as a place to make some money, He drove all of the buyers and sellers out and started overturning things. This was righteous indignation. He had every reason to be angry. His actions were based on a desire for righteousness. So it's good to be angry about things that are worth being angry about, and it's good if we care enough about righteousness and holiness that our anger leads us to serve God more. But we cannot let unhappiness eat us and make us want to take away other people's joy.

I've had moments in my life that were so happy that I wished it didn't have to end. But then I realized that God surely must be an awesome God, more awesome than we can guess, if the most wonderful moments on earth, which have to pass, are nothing compared to what He had planned for us in heaven, where there are no more endings.

I've had moments in my life that were so difficult that I got angry, and stayed angry for a while. But then I realized that God knows why these things have to happen, and He wouldn't let it happen if it weren't for the best. He does, after all, make a point of turning horrible grief into overwhelming joy. Take, for example, Jesus' death. All of the people who loved Him were devastated and disappointed, but on the third day their pain was turned into amazing joy and awe. The sinners of the world can now be redeemed! Only a God like ours can do something like that.

I also realize that loss just makes a space in our hearts for more of God. That's what I'm depending on right now. I'm getting a good feeling that He's about to turn my present unhappiness into a great blessing. He's about to do amazing things in my life, and with my life, that only He can do. Only later will I be able to see why this must be such a good thing. As for right now, I'm going to ask Him to help me not to stay angry, but to shine more brightly than ever, and I'm going to trust Him.
He is just and righteous whether He gives or takes away, and it is an indicator of faith whether a person is willing to praise Him as He deserves in all seasons of his life, whether in joy or pain.